Day 4: Tyrannical Leadership

When I was doing door to door sales and running the laundromat, I would take on this character of the “Tyrannical Dictator”. I would be harsh, lose touch with reality when wanting to control others, and forget about the nature of human beings and the proper effective ways to persuade people without abusing them to the utmost extent.

I noticed as I start to gain more power and control within myself and my environment, I have a tendency to try and force others to do things I want them to do for self-gain (my self-gain) and put others down unnecessarily. I noticed I would make fun of people and pit people against each other like kind of what I was doing a little with Y and Z, but I noticed in the moment what I had done and started to work on correcting it.

This is how we were brought up, to fight for survival. I no longer need to fight for my survival between my colleagues and friends, because I have established a solid foundation. It does not mean that I do not have to try and push myself and others, but I realize I can do so within self-honesty and self-awareness that provides the best possible outcome instead of scaring people away.

One thing I give myself permission to do is to be open and explore and challenge myself and others so that I dis-cover the way of best pushing myself and another through trial and error and practical reality.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put other people down when I am succeeding, to – in my mind – try and maintain my position of success because a fear of losing it and a fear of competition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use information against subordinates and women, to belittle them, patronize them, and put them down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear competition, when if I knew who I really was, I would never fear competition because no single person can compete to be the best version of another on a life scale. I forgive myself that I have accepted allowed myself to fear losing the intrinsic value of life that I bring to this world and that I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with others that I know I can beat just to destroy them and gain self-confidence, when this self-CONfidence con-fines me to the limitations of fear of losing a position, money or something that I have, and does not last because it was created energetically through the mind, as separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid competition because of the fear of being destroyed by others and publicly embarrassed, leaving me to not wanting to take on challenges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and reach out to someone to ‘help’ and ‘support’ them from the perspective of I have the answer and they are weak and need my assistance, being the authority figure, when in fact they are themselves a “self-author, self-authority”.

I realize that the individual may just be going through a rough patch and they may or may not be ready to open up, and it is best that I work with them from where they are at and not forcing my beliefs, views, opinions, thoughts and programming onto them, but allowing them to bring forth the best version of themselves by guiding them through sharing myself and my process and realizations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe a person has to be completely fucked for me to help them, when in reality, at all levels people need the Desteni message and TechnoTutor, and Cameron has shown us this by selling the best of the best and the worst of the worst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have carefully created and designed this Tyrannical Leader Character to build myself up above others while putting them down, just to later on have the situation reversed when I am dropped to the bottom, emotionally, financially, and in social standings, to the point where I am in huge conflict with myself because I can no longer maintain that character image in my mind and as myself; so I flip to the peasant, the victim and start blaming everyone and everything wanting to commit suicide as that character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself actually believe that it would be best for me to commit suicide when I am feeling down and depressed just to get a reaction from others when I feel I am not being recognized, no one sees or hears me, no one understands me, I hate myself, my life, my family and friends, to the point where I would actually imagine the entire process of me killing myself and then someone would find me in a dramatic way and they would be shocked thinking “Oh no! Kian! He was so great! Had so much happiness to share! I am so sorry for treating you baldly, I regret everything I did wrong to you. If only you were still alive, I would tell you how much loved you, and I would treat you well. I would have bought you that bike or game if only I knew how bad you wanted it and how bad you felt while not having it.” And while they go into this huge pity party for me and themselves and starting to blame themselves which just continues and perpetuates the cycle of self-abuse, having the possibility of them also killing themselves physically or just quitting on life become more likely to take place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to kill myself just to spite my parents, family, anyone, just so they would feel bad and regret how they hurt me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this strategy of abusing others with words, also physically abusing those who I can take advantage of, because this is what was done to me, recreating the entire cycle of the person being abused being put in that state of wanting to kill themselves and commit suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe anyone I am leading or genuinely helping and supporting, if we are in business together, they must hate me, because I hated mom and dad and authorities at many times, more than less, and hated people that I had to work with because of favouritism, competition within groups, and having ineffective relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a survival method as remaining ahead and being better than others, even if it costs me my reputation, my health, my integrity, and everything else other than that one category that I put as my telos for that period of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously use the system of tearing other people apart to get what I want, and putting other people against each other so I win and/or survive and just don’t lose or die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame authority figures for me not creating my life and doing what I am capable of doing to advance myself and society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see how the system itself places authoritative figures that people will WANT to follow because of programmed implanted images for the reason of keeping everyone a slave; and to give them all the power for all of the success, means to also blame them for all the disaster, crisis and failure. When it is we, who are the ones, that are fully responsible for what happens, the system itself and the leaders who are appointed to power positions. And to blame the leaders for a faulty system is to in other words say to myself and others “I am completely at effect, I abdicate my responsibility within my role in all of this, and I am not willing to do anything different to ensure we create a new system, a better plan, a better situation and life for those who participate in this world and this reality.”

I commit myself to changing myself from a Tyrannical Leader to a Benevolent Leader.

I commit myself to investigating all point of Leadership where I have steered myself and other in the wrong direction and have had to face the consequences of those actions.

I commit myself to drawing lines for myself in where to and how to support someone and looking first and foremost is the really best for them, myself and all in the grand scheme of things.

I commit myself to learning how to develop myself as a leader and applying myself within the areas I can lead.

I commit myself to setting myself up to lead others and firstly lead myself into a role where I am guiding multiple people at once to really create a difference in this world on a massive scale.

I commit myself to letting go of any blame I have placed on authority figures and realizing fully through self-living that I am my self-authority so it is impossible to blame for my self-actions and self-realizations and what I create, accept and allow for myself and in my environment.

I commit myself to leading from the front while finding the balance of delegating and automating process in life and business, and responsibilities, while never abdicating my response-ability within my role of directing myself, my businesses, and others.

I commit myself to begin to walk process thoroughly and effective while sharing my posts in a group where I can be checked and cross-referenced by others so I maintain integrity within my commitments and forgiveness.

I commit myself to exposing any dirty leadership within myself and others so I/we can correct the abuse within ourselves and this world.

I commit myself to realizing through action that things do happen from the top down and that is why we need to change the system, and not just fix it, because all will be impacted by this one and only thing, and that is the only way to support all equally – through a system.

I commit myself to taking on more risks and responsibility within what is practical for me to do, and to realize that I do not have to overextend myself and to risk more than I need to, to move forward.

I commit myself to stopping unnecessary emotional manipulation to get people to do things and focusing on taking the common-sense practical approach and sharing with others the common-sense of taking an action that is best for them and best for all.

I commit myself to letting go of the need to be ahead of others as a survival mechanism.

I commit myself to putting what is best for all as the telos of my life and leadership, creating other leaders who do the same, where we create a world of self-leaders who direct and lead themselves within the group of humanity, thus creating a personal-directive humanity, rather than slaver and control freaks.

I commit myself to inspiring as many other people as possible – not through fancy words – but through living practical examples of creating oneness and equality; in writings, vlogs, leadership in TT, the SL Club, and anything else that is supportive.