Day 13: Forgiving The Mother Character Within Me

 

Taking on the mother character:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to yell, scream at, and beat my children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to repeat the patterns of my parents, the patterns of them yelling, screaming and beating me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, sorry for, and pity my mother, who was weak, broken, and poor.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate my father for leaving my mother with nothing, and being with other women physically, emotionally, sexually, and supporting them financially, where me and my mother didn't have the best life because we were neglected.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, and understand how by my mother making the decisions she made, it was likely for her life to be such a wreck by sleeping around as a whore, and getting into alcohol and possibly other drugs as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never fully forgive my parents, for who they were within their lives and circumstances, never fully considering, understand and supporting them as I would like to or need to be supported if I were in their shoes, with their lives, with their history.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like a lost person, a lost child, a lost being, because I never got to know my father until I was 12 years old, being confused about who I am, asking myself questions of "Why did daddy leave us, why did he leave me with mommy alone?", "Where is daddy?", "Why can't anyone tell me the truth?". Then it all started to make sense when I found daddy. I found out about who he was, and why he was that way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in constant fear around daddy, because I never knew when he would beat, be drunk, be crazy, ask me to go do work when I just wanted and needed to relax, and I always felt I was constantly threatened with mental, emotional, and physical abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have always guarded myself from men sexually because I didn't not want to end up like mommy, sleeping around, poor, and being physically and sexually abused by men, accepting and allowing that for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overly obsessed with money and finance like daddy was, because he always taught me and told me, "As long as you have money, you'll be fine". And within that statement I felt protected, secure, and confident. Not realizing that I build up this alter-ego around money, work life, and social status in relation to financial well-being, where I forgot how to look at and be honest with my emotions, then suppressing everything to work and make more and more and more money, just in order to survive and feel comfortable, where I have this sense of myself and feeling that no one can fuck with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that I am giving my all to my children, without looking deeper within myself, and just playing preprogrammed patterns from my parents and reaction to who they were, where I replicated the sins of the fathers and mother before me in my ancestors.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly and continuously talk to my children in a way that is negative, demeaning, demanding and unsupportive, and then after that still demand the utmost respect from them in the way they talk to me and address me, not seeing and understand that they have become resentful, impatient, and untrustworthy towards me, because I have been untrustworthy, impatient and resentful towards them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my father for all the bad that has happened to me, think thoughts like "I HATED MY FATHER!" where I never considered and looked at how he was parented and haven't realized that if I was in his position, I would have acted the exact same way. While not doing the self-forgiveness and self-correction needed before he died to release these pattern that were passed down to me and that I've developed over my lifetime, to be able to become equal to the being, the character of my father, and support as one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my husband for not being a good father, when he did everything within his understanding, and not look at myself and where I needed to take more responsibility in supporting him, instead of just yelling at him, shaming him, blaming and attacking him as I did, because that what was done to me by my father.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for everything that happened to mommy and daddy, and my brother who suffered miserable lives, and feeling completely responsible for it all, while feeling powerless about not being able to do much about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like give and I give, and I give everything and get nothing back in return.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give not unconditionally, but giving and keeping score, while expecting something back from the person or people I gave to because I believe that if I give, I should receive back, rather than giving without any expectation and need to get back from that person, place, or thing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do so much physical work and provide so much value to my family and others around me financially, and then I try to support them by any way I can, and never getting that feeling of satisfaction from helping them, because the thanks or appreciate I get is never as valuable as what I provide to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how - because I was wise and was able to take more responsibility because of all that I've been through I actually had to develop the quality and skill of giving more to others than I would initially receive, but in that process I developed, became better, became strong and increase my intelligence through experience, trial and error, where no one else got this valuable experience because they never understood their life purpose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that I got my life purpose and developed purpose through and from daddy, and he's the reason why I was able to get to Canada and have the life and family I did.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my children were my life purpose and to not find out and know how to not abuse them by changing my abusive patterns.

I realize that my life purpose was to bring children in this world and raise them well and continue to support them along their journey.

I realize that I could have done many things differently if I could go back.

I realize that I have been very impatient with Raf, and my kids and other people close to me, but I have been able to suppress and by very patient with old people at work and others as well who needed me. I realize that my family needed this stability on a regular daily basis, and I didn't provide it along the years.

I realize that I would lash out, freak, get anxious, nervous, and go crazy and traumatize my kids and my x-husband, instead of being kind and nurturing when they needed it the most.

I realize that I can change these habits and patterns, and I should continue to reach to my children every once in a while, and try to support them.

I realize that I first need to take care of and start supporting myself by working less and less, to the point where I can settle down and retire.

I realize that my children will be okay, and I must let go of the fear that turns into love, because it is causing problems that are evident and are pushing all of us away.

I realize that my children do care about me deep down inside, and that they are now working on becoming men, and they need to walk their journey in order to heal.

I commit myself to reparenting myself RIGHT NOW because I wasn't raised in the best ways, and I need to do this if I want to STOP the cycle of abuse to my children now.

I commit myself to learning to communicate with my mother and father, so when they die and I die, I would have already settled the major programs that they've passed down to me that were negative and limiting me.

I commit myself to slowing down, not getting angry when and as Asif, Kian or Riyadh start getting frustrated and angry at me and slowing down to the point where I can address them with calm, clarity, certainty, ease, and support them where they are at in the moment.

I commit myself to spending any and all amounts of time need with them, in any given moment or phase of life, to understand them, and not try and rush through some problem, where both or all parties leave emotionally stable, balanced and have empathy and understanding for one another.

I commit myself to parenting myself, my children and my family in ways that are best for all.

I commit myself to being the best wife I can be for my husband and supporting him in the best ways to be a great husband and father, and communicating with him regularly, daily, with patience and understand to create a livable, supportive family and parenting dynamic where we are adding value to each other rather than destroying each other, and understanding the differences between male and female needs and characteristics, and being honest and open with him about what I want, and letting him express what he wants in the relationship, while also challenging each other in a direct, calm, supportive way, where we both become the best versions of ourselves. 

Day 12: Standing Up and Doing What is Best

I was chatting with someone earlier through messages and I realize that they are facing many points that I had to face in terms of taking responsibility in standing up and and as themselves in the system by distributing TechnoTutor to support equal education for all, where we can then go into politics and implement equal money for all, to support all life equally and "fuck the ego in one go" as Bernard said.

Here is some self-forgiveness for you-all who are facing this same point:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that sales is evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing my limits of communication where I can sell something to someone where I can support them to become the best version of themselves as I grow and change by supporting another, where I see myself in them, where I started, and in turn receive benefit myself as well, and get paid for it too, as I benefit the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that no one will listen to me, I am weak, and I cannot convey the message of TechnoTutor, an effective education, and what is best for all life to other people. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I will become far better than I can ever imagine in my mind when I start pushing myself, challenging myself to grow change and support others, where I then for the first time for real in my life give as I wish to receive, and become equal to the principles of Desteni, and stand as the example within myself, where all areas of my life in turn get better, and become the best they can be. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how all of the problems I am facing in my world and my life are because of one reason, not acting in accordance within principles, and by committing my life to the greatest purpose I can possibly imagine, changing the system, in education, providing equal money to all, and changing the laws to support everyone to have their basic needs met - through that, my relationships with my family, my partner, and everyone and everything WILL become what is BEST as a result of me stand for what is real for the first time and being steadfast within that which is best for all life. I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that, how my own self interest is cause unnecessary problems within my life, where my partner and those who are close to me, seem to be possessed demons from another realm, where when and as I go to speak the truth, they react, don't listen to me, and as a matter of fact shame me and shit on me for trying to consider "What would actually be supportive and good for everyone", because they can see, feel, realize and understand my actions are not in line with my words, and therefore really just calling me out on my bullshit indirectly and also because they themselves simply are not yet willing to be self-honest and don't know how to actually change. Where in reality this is an accumulated consequence of me not wanting to change for years and years and years, compounding the system of my mind, where I have locked in tons of patterns that I must walk myself through, and the other person is really just a reflection of me, a part of me that I have accepted and allowed, that I have not yet fully forgiven, "REAL-ized", and re-SOLVED through self-correction.

Day 11: My Videos?

I was just doing some TechnoTutor on shooting videos, and I realized that I did not see any reason to shoot a video other than to challenge myself and overcome fears. Now that I’ve done that multiples, I still have this other fear that comes up of: what if my videos aren’t good enough? My videos aren’t as good as the others’ videos, why don’t I just send people to their videos? What will people think of me if I mess up, make a mistake or say something wrong? I am afraid to stand up and back up what I say in videos and don’t want to be arguing with people online all the time like Cameron would before more so.

The real cause here is in a lack of understanding around the purpose of the video. The videos are to support other people to walk through challenges you’ve faced by sharing some of what you’ve walked through, and then sharing your realizations, and what you’ve done to change, and what has worked well for you. That’s the point of the videos.

I earlier saw videos as a means to convert people to TechnoTutor and make money, but really, they are to support people, #1; and #2, then to guide them to the answer. That’s what they are for.

I have been through a lot; I do understand more than I think. Now is the time to step up and share with the world regularly and more consistently. And to practice my ability to communicate with others, live, publicly and in groups, address groups as me being the main speaker or leader.

This point is one I must walk through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the value in making videos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don’t have anything to say of value because I FEEL off, uncomfortable, and uneasy daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use how I feel to hold me back and limit me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how my negative emotions have constricted me and left me inactive and in fear, and when I am acting in fear, in survival, I am so afraid of “what could happen” that no matter how much progress I make, I still feel dead inside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent others who communicate well in videos or when speaking one on one, or in groups, not seeing that I can become equal to that by working on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the use of making videos for my own self-interest, communicating with people, and all my relationships with everyone and everything just for my own self-interest, and if I don’t see how I can get an energy high/reaction from the interaction, I don’t do it, I avoid it, even when it is something that I must do as a responsibility that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see all the thoughts, the stories, the things I’ve been through and am learning, and am learning from, are all added value points that I can use to share in videos and contribute to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to make a video because I am afraid of being judged, afraid of what other people will think of me, and afraid of making mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I must make videos and express myself in the exact same way and manner that other people express themselves, when I am aware that that is not true, and I can be effective within and as my own self-expression as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must express myself in the same way and ways every single time when I am talking to someone, a group, or making a video because that is the way they see me, that is what they subconsciously expect from me, that is who they believe I am and who I believe I am, so I try to do everything in my power to maintain that mind created self-image of myself and the way I think others perceive me as. When in reality it is just me judging myself in my mind, and it is not how others see me as, as others only see what is here now in the physical reality that we live in and will project based on their own mind constructs what they believe based on their mind-consciousness system pre-programming.

Day 10: Process Till Completion

 

I’ve realized that I was not fully believing that I can walk my entire process within my lifetime. I see this everywhere in so many places; religion, business, money, having the perfect health, education, relationships, everything. We get set up right from the beginning to never complete something or fail completely. We don’t even give ourselves a living chance. We begin, we doubt, we stop, we give up.

Process can be completed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea that I cannot complete my process while I am here within this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the process of complete, self-perfection, and becoming self-here.

I realize I will be equal to my process.

I realize I am equal to my process.

I commit myself fully and completely to my process.

I commit myself to completing my process.

Day 9: Structure and Discipline = Freedom

I remember hearing this phrase ‘structure and discipline equals freedom’. It is very true when breaking down what it means to guide oneself by applying structure and discipline, then leading to self-mastery. Everyone needs a structure to guide ourselves into, and everyone initially needs the discipline to follow it, with the hope (meaning expectation and desire) of achieving more internal and external freedom, and the only freedom is to choose that which is best for everyone and everything here, without allowing personal limitations in perspective to cause us to choose otherwise.

Without structure nothing would exist. Without self-discipline, you never teach yourself, without being a disciple, you never learn. And without ever learning, you never become a master (having or showing very great skill or proficiency), of yourself, the skill, the habit. In other words, being and becoming self-competent, being the personal directive principle of yourself, and using that to master real life skills and things that are useful.

I have no real structure other than the fact that I brush my teeth daily, I use TechnoTutor daily (even if it’s just for a moment), I write regularly – but not every day, I eat everyday – but not at scheduled times or a set amount of meals or food each day. I am doing interviews and presentations almost weekly, I’ll miss a week here and there due to changes we are making on the interview side of things or I just do not book a presentation that week on the presentation side of things, but most weeks I’ll do interviews and presentations.

If I really look at it, this business, my life, any business really, any child, any relationship, anything, it won’t be developed passively – it would die before that, especially in the beginning phases.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail in planning and creating, following and implementing a solid, ruthless, relentless structure for myself to build a solid foundation of self-trust and to build that in others through the world buy sharing myself and my process with them. In this I would be creating some type of structured routine where I can keep myself accountable and where I use TT, write self-forgiveness, I study information and have fun, I read, I focus a dedicated period of time to reach out to people to build my business (focus on and grow my 20, 6, or 1), I follow up with people, present to them, and close them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust the process, as I have not yet trusted myself to walk it effectively and consistently to take apart my own fears and limitations, and to build my understanding of the world and how reality works, and do so by applying a basic structure to myself and my day, week, month, quarter and year, just like a company would for their managers, and workers, and me being the owner of myself, where I need to do ‘the work’, manage things, and have the vision of a leader and owner all at the same time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I follow someone as a disciple now, their proven method or system, I fear that I will be a follower forever and a slave forever, as within my mind I try to maintain this high-ground where I don’t need anyone and I can do it all on my own and figure it out on my own. Not trusting that I will be able to see the flaws, outpoints and mistakes, so I can perfect the process and that’s where I create it as my own, pronouncing my resonant signature of personal responsibility that I’ve developed that’ll attract a certain group to come into my life longer term, those who want to change, and propel us where we change together in our process, where we can then implement solutions to change this world for what is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how by not having structure and the discipline to follow it initially, is self abuse, when I have created that structure to support myself in building consistency and leveling up within self-trust and my process, and using all of that to support others and supporting others through building my business and sharing the tools of change I have and am using for myself to change for real.

 

Day 8: Things Aren’t Moving Fast Enough!

 

I have felt like I have been in a stuck pattern for a few months now. Although things around me are moving and happening, within my self-honesty I have notice I am NOT moving myself equal to the speed I am capable of performing at with constancy, consistency and sustainability. Within this moment if I were to die, I would feel regret, as right now in my life, I am trying to rush everyone and everything else, but am not fulfilling my personal responsibility within my role in my life by not do everything I can possibly do to make myself better, and make the world a better place.

I have come to a strong realization through speaking with those close to me, that my own objection is the one I’ll keep getting. Or said in other words ‘the objection I keep getting, is the one I have’.

Now I am in the place and position to do, do and do; live, live and live, be here, and trust, as I now don’t live with anyone, I don’t work anymore at the laundry business I used to own having sold it a couple of months ago, and now is go time. No one to take care of, no one to cater for, but myself. Instead of this being a punishment, it should be a freedom to explore right now. A freedom to see, who I really am, what I can accomplish, and how many fears, limitations, and challenges can I overcome and walk through in this period of time, which will NOT last forever, or very long at all.

I have been waiting on a few big things to come through, mainly 3 that come to mind. Firstly, my partners travel visa application to get approved. Secondly, a huge amount of money to come through for a deal that was done. And thirdly, a remortgage to pull through as well.

And really the biggest thing that “I am waiting on” is My-Self to build my business effectively and consistently. All of the other stuff is really of no concern with this one point being solved, because they all will revolve around this one point of how effective I am and can become. I also just realized that these other things are all just distractions to focus on as they are beyond my control at this point, I’ve done everything I can do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient thinking “Things aren’t moving fast enough”, within that phrase blaming the world, outside reality, and others for things not moving fast enough in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear things not moving as fast as I would like and imagine in my mind, where I have set myself up for failure by projecting how reality should line up with my personal self-interest not realizing that things take time to manifest in physical reality, and that it is important and best to consider all in each move, decision and project.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others, as well as blame myself for the results and consequences I am experiencing now vs stepping up within myself and stepping out to walk through and correct and change what caused all of this in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how ‘I Am Not Moving Fast Enough’, and therefore projecting that onto reality thinking ‘these things, people, situations are not moving fast enough’, knowing that as I am moving at the speed of the physical, or breath, I wouldn’t not feel that way, as I am present Here while moving with and through breath.

I commit myself to using breath to equalizing the connection of Me to reality, what is Here.

Day 7: Redefining Loud

I remember when hearing the school bell at school, I would be happy for the next class, recess or lunch or even for school to end. On the opposite I would be anxious, sad, or fearful to hear the bell ring when class would be starting, because I knew I had to do work and things I didn’t enjoy in some classes.

Throughout my life I have been a quiet person relatively speaking, my two brothers were always very loud and vocal. I was never that way unless I really wanted something. I see that when my mother would yell and scream at us, I would go into a shock, a fright, and dreadful fear, then she would sometimes hit us, to lock the pain, fear and internal suffering. This caused me to resent loud things, loud noises, loud sounds, loud people. It is not so much that the loud things are “bad” as I mentally labelled it, it is really that intention or starting point of THAT sound. I have used loud sound to persuade and get what I want and what was best for a group – that is good thing, that is equal to God which is Good, and God and Good are being in accordance with what is physically Here. That IS the method, road map, and code of conduct to live what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loud things, loud noises, loud people, and loud bells, alarms, and loud sounds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loud sounds because I associate that with the memory of my mother yelling, yelling at me, my dad, my brothers, and which at times led to physically beating me or some type of punishment; mentally, emotionally or physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my own voice because I have a fear of being too loud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that loud is bad, or another way of saying it is loud equals bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore, suppress, and refuse to acknowledge the ways that loud is actually really good and best, in speaking up and speaking out, getting someone to hear you clearly especially if there is noise in the room or if they are far away, or for any sound to get someone’s attention in the best way.

I forgive myself for not living the word loud.

I forgive myself for fearing to be loud and obnoxious because I think that people will judge me as rude, evil, bad and controlling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that loud means rude, evil, bad and controlling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as rude, evil, bad and controlling when I act loud or do something that is loud, because I feel I am disturbing others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as bad, evil, rude, and controlling when they are loud in their voice, or did something that caused a loud noise as I feel they are disturbing me in my life, my day. Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this memory of my mom loudly interrupting me when I was playing and having fun – when playing soccer in the driveway or playing video games inside, then associating her loud voice and volume with no more fun, no more play, reacting in fear each time hearing her loud voice whether it was for something good or something bad, or something neutral she wanted to communicate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and hide as a quite person/personality out of the fear of not wanting to be loud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see loud as equalling gaudy, ignorant, show off, or annoying idiot, that was programmed into me from the media and my environment growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction and become the shy, quiet, serene, peaceful, silent monk type-a-guy, all out of fear of being loud, and judging loudness.

I forgive myself for now allowing myself to be as loud as I need to be.

I realize that I need to be loud in order to communicate a clear message at many times.

I realize that I associated loud to mean something bad happened or was going to happen, because of the memories of my mother yelling as a child and the school bell ringing as I didn't want to be in class to be in class in the first place as a young kid most of the time, and the school bell resembled schooling to me. I didn't like the part of sitting down and being forced to learn something. I just wanted to play and hang out with the friends I met at school, during recess or after school.

I realize that I need to be loud to influence many people at a given time and use loudness to “take up space” in a room or conversation or meeting, as loud means volume, not only in the up and down of sound, but also volume means space 3 dimensionally, and living loudness through volume in any and all dimensions of who I am and in life. Loud: “Characterized by or producing sound of great volume or intensity”, and using intensity to take up space and time also.

I realize that my posture, composure, body language, dress, look, house, car, style, presence, resonance NEEDS to live the word loud if I am going to be able to accomplish what I need to do in order to change the system within my lifetime.

I realize is it okay and best for all to be loud within self-honesty.

I realize that loud is good. Loud is god. Loud is physical.

I realize that I am loud.

I realize that I have suppressed being loud out of a fear of judgment, fearing others will judge me for being loud, but in reality these have been my own judgments that I have now forgiven myself for, and any and all judgments that come up in relation to the word loud, I can now see and identify it as being my own projections where I am limiting myself through separation of what ‘loud’ really is and means.

I realize that ‘loud’ means characterized by or producing sound of great volume or intensity, and that in order for more people to here me, I must become louder. The louder I am, the more people can hear me mathematically speaking.

When and as I see myself wanting to and trying to be quiet to get a feeling of security, or go into a personality or character that is not Self-Willed, I stop and I breathe. I realize in that moment I have come from inferiority, insecurity and fear, where I have in the past gone into suppression, and same moment when it next comes up, I direct myself to Will myself to express myself LOUDLY and CLEARLY instead of mumbling, fumbling and bumbling my words and mouth, so the OTHER PERSON gets and hears my message fully, completely and clearly.

I realize that I caused myself to become a quiet person out of reaction, and I realize I can change it because these beliefs have limited me greatly in expressing myself and pursuing Life – that which is best for all, as well as in sales, basic communication, persuasion, building my business, building my relationships, and more.

I realize if it is to be, it is up to me, to speak up, speak out, and claim, grasp, attain, and achieve the attention I deserve, by putting attention on myself and my process first, walking the point thoroughly and completely even if it takes days, weeks, months, or years, until I am equal to my potential in a word or point.

I commit myself to living the word loud.

I commit myself to producing the character within me of being loud, producing great volume or intensity, using the starting point of convincing, persuading and influencing people to join the movements that I am working with so we create a world where everyone has their basic needs met, and no more suffering exists. I commit myself to sharing GIN, Desteni, TechnoTutor and Self-Perfected in the loudest ways possible to attract the most attention possible to get the most amount of people possible walking their Self-Perfection process.

I commit myself to looking at any major reoccurring thoughts, feelings, emotions and backchat that comes as a Loud point to look at, work on, and clear. Then after that, look at how I can use my body, my resonance, my vocal cords, and what I know of and also looking at what I can learn to move to the next phase and level in “Loud-ing” this message of Self-Perfection all over the planet. Then doing it through my words as the living word, and implement systems that automate this process or processes.

I commit myself to being loud in every breath, seeing that the volume of my Self, my resonance, my life will determine how loud I can be in the world – which will be equal to my influence in the world.

I commit myself to letting go of all fear that comes up around being loud and all self-judgment around loud, loudness, loud activities, loud talking, lecturing, or laughing, loud signing or dancing, or loud ways of expressing myself, and letting go of any judgments I have of others being loud, as I know it is coming from my own fears and insecurities.

I commit myself to becoming louder and louder every year, and over every period of time, where I move into and as loudness, with a loud and high volume of sound and mass, where I move high volumes of people and money in the direction and into the presence of Life itself through who I am and my example, and into systems that support all life within oneness and equality.

I commit myself to becoming the epitome of Loud as I know with certainty this, and this alone, has been one of my greatest fears and points of resistance, where, when and as I am loud, I cannot hide anything, I am fully exposed and open to the public, open to attack, open to the world, on the spotlight, and that is where I must stand within equality and oneness with life, where I tip the scales from evil to live, and do so within my lifetime. And if I fail, set up the next generation to do so within their lifetime.

I commit myself to fearlessly living loud.