Day 7: Redefining Loud

I remember when hearing the school bell at school, I would be happy for the next class, recess or lunch or even for school to end. On the opposite I would be anxious, sad, or fearful to hear the bell ring when class would be starting, because I knew I had to do work and things I didn’t enjoy in some classes.

Throughout my life I have been a quiet person relatively speaking, my two brothers were always very loud and vocal. I was never that way unless I really wanted something. I see that when my mother would yell and scream at us, I would go into a shock, a fright, and dreadful fear, then she would sometimes hit us, to lock the pain, fear and internal suffering. This caused me to resent loud things, loud noises, loud sounds, loud people. It is not so much that the loud things are “bad” as I mentally labelled it, it is really that intention or starting point of THAT sound. I have used loud sound to persuade and get what I want and what was best for a group – that is good thing, that is equal to God which is Good, and God and Good are being in accordance with what is physically Here. That IS the method, road map, and code of conduct to live what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loud things, loud noises, loud people, and loud bells, alarms, and loud sounds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loud sounds because I associate that with the memory of my mother yelling, yelling at me, my dad, my brothers, and which at times led to physically beating me or some type of punishment; mentally, emotionally or physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my own voice because I have a fear of being too loud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that loud is bad, or another way of saying it is loud equals bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore, suppress, and refuse to acknowledge the ways that loud is actually really good and best, in speaking up and speaking out, getting someone to hear you clearly especially if there is noise in the room or if they are far away, or for any sound to get someone’s attention in the best way.

I forgive myself for not living the word loud.

I forgive myself for fearing to be loud and obnoxious because I think that people will judge me as rude, evil, bad and controlling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that loud means rude, evil, bad and controlling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as rude, evil, bad and controlling when I act loud or do something that is loud, because I feel I am disturbing others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as bad, evil, rude, and controlling when they are loud in their voice, or did something that caused a loud noise as I feel they are disturbing me in my life, my day. Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this memory of my mom loudly interrupting me when I was playing and having fun – when playing soccer in the driveway or playing video games inside, then associating her loud voice and volume with no more fun, no more play, reacting in fear each time hearing her loud voice whether it was for something good or something bad, or something neutral she wanted to communicate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and hide as a quite person/personality out of the fear of not wanting to be loud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see loud as equalling gaudy, ignorant, show off, or annoying idiot, that was programmed into me from the media and my environment growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction and become the shy, quiet, serene, peaceful, silent monk type-a-guy, all out of fear of being loud, and judging loudness.

I forgive myself for now allowing myself to be as loud as I need to be.

I realize that I need to be loud in order to communicate a clear message at many times.

I realize that I associated loud to mean something bad happened or was going to happen, because of the memories of my mother yelling as a child and the school bell ringing as I didn't want to be in class to be in class in the first place as a young kid most of the time, and the school bell resembled schooling to me. I didn't like the part of sitting down and being forced to learn something. I just wanted to play and hang out with the friends I met at school, during recess or after school.

I realize that I need to be loud to influence many people at a given time and use loudness to “take up space” in a room or conversation or meeting, as loud means volume, not only in the up and down of sound, but also volume means space 3 dimensionally, and living loudness through volume in any and all dimensions of who I am and in life. Loud: “Characterized by or producing sound of great volume or intensity”, and using intensity to take up space and time also.

I realize that my posture, composure, body language, dress, look, house, car, style, presence, resonance NEEDS to live the word loud if I am going to be able to accomplish what I need to do in order to change the system within my lifetime.

I realize is it okay and best for all to be loud within self-honesty.

I realize that loud is good. Loud is god. Loud is physical.

I realize that I am loud.

I realize that I have suppressed being loud out of a fear of judgment, fearing others will judge me for being loud, but in reality these have been my own judgments that I have now forgiven myself for, and any and all judgments that come up in relation to the word loud, I can now see and identify it as being my own projections where I am limiting myself through separation of what ‘loud’ really is and means.

I realize that ‘loud’ means characterized by or producing sound of great volume or intensity, and that in order for more people to here me, I must become louder. The louder I am, the more people can hear me mathematically speaking.

When and as I see myself wanting to and trying to be quiet to get a feeling of security, or go into a personality or character that is not Self-Willed, I stop and I breathe. I realize in that moment I have come from inferiority, insecurity and fear, where I have in the past gone into suppression, and same moment when it next comes up, I direct myself to Will myself to express myself LOUDLY and CLEARLY instead of mumbling, fumbling and bumbling my words and mouth, so the OTHER PERSON gets and hears my message fully, completely and clearly.

I realize that I caused myself to become a quiet person out of reaction, and I realize I can change it because these beliefs have limited me greatly in expressing myself and pursuing Life – that which is best for all, as well as in sales, basic communication, persuasion, building my business, building my relationships, and more.

I realize if it is to be, it is up to me, to speak up, speak out, and claim, grasp, attain, and achieve the attention I deserve, by putting attention on myself and my process first, walking the point thoroughly and completely even if it takes days, weeks, months, or years, until I am equal to my potential in a word or point.

I commit myself to living the word loud.

I commit myself to producing the character within me of being loud, producing great volume or intensity, using the starting point of convincing, persuading and influencing people to join the movements that I am working with so we create a world where everyone has their basic needs met, and no more suffering exists. I commit myself to sharing GIN, Desteni, TechnoTutor and Self-Perfected in the loudest ways possible to attract the most attention possible to get the most amount of people possible walking their Self-Perfection process.

I commit myself to looking at any major reoccurring thoughts, feelings, emotions and backchat that comes as a Loud point to look at, work on, and clear. Then after that, look at how I can use my body, my resonance, my vocal cords, and what I know of and also looking at what I can learn to move to the next phase and level in “Loud-ing” this message of Self-Perfection all over the planet. Then doing it through my words as the living word, and implement systems that automate this process or processes.

I commit myself to being loud in every breath, seeing that the volume of my Self, my resonance, my life will determine how loud I can be in the world – which will be equal to my influence in the world.

I commit myself to letting go of all fear that comes up around being loud and all self-judgment around loud, loudness, loud activities, loud talking, lecturing, or laughing, loud signing or dancing, or loud ways of expressing myself, and letting go of any judgments I have of others being loud, as I know it is coming from my own fears and insecurities.

I commit myself to becoming louder and louder every year, and over every period of time, where I move into and as loudness, with a loud and high volume of sound and mass, where I move high volumes of people and money in the direction and into the presence of Life itself through who I am and my example, and into systems that support all life within oneness and equality.

I commit myself to becoming the epitome of Loud as I know with certainty this, and this alone, has been one of my greatest fears and points of resistance, where, when and as I am loud, I cannot hide anything, I am fully exposed and open to the public, open to attack, open to the world, on the spotlight, and that is where I must stand within equality and oneness with life, where I tip the scales from evil to live, and do so within my lifetime. And if I fail, set up the next generation to do so within their lifetime.

I commit myself to fearlessly living loud.