Day 12: Standing Up and Doing What is Best

I was chatting with someone earlier through messages and I realize that they are facing many points that I had to face in terms of taking responsibility in standing up and and as themselves in the system by distributing TechnoTutor to support equal education for all, where we can then go into politics and implement equal money for all, to support all life equally and "fuck the ego in one go" as Bernard said.

Here is some self-forgiveness for you-all who are facing this same point:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that sales is evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing my limits of communication where I can sell something to someone where I can support them to become the best version of themselves as I grow and change by supporting another, where I see myself in them, where I started, and in turn receive benefit myself as well, and get paid for it too, as I benefit the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that no one will listen to me, I am weak, and I cannot convey the message of TechnoTutor, an effective education, and what is best for all life to other people. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I will become far better than I can ever imagine in my mind when I start pushing myself, challenging myself to grow change and support others, where I then for the first time for real in my life give as I wish to receive, and become equal to the principles of Desteni, and stand as the example within myself, where all areas of my life in turn get better, and become the best they can be. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how all of the problems I am facing in my world and my life are because of one reason, not acting in accordance within principles, and by committing my life to the greatest purpose I can possibly imagine, changing the system, in education, providing equal money to all, and changing the laws to support everyone to have their basic needs met - through that, my relationships with my family, my partner, and everyone and everything WILL become what is BEST as a result of me stand for what is real for the first time and being steadfast within that which is best for all life. I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that, how my own self interest is cause unnecessary problems within my life, where my partner and those who are close to me, seem to be possessed demons from another realm, where when and as I go to speak the truth, they react, don't listen to me, and as a matter of fact shame me and shit on me for trying to consider "What would actually be supportive and good for everyone", because they can see, feel, realize and understand my actions are not in line with my words, and therefore really just calling me out on my bullshit indirectly and also because they themselves simply are not yet willing to be self-honest and don't know how to actually change. Where in reality this is an accumulated consequence of me not wanting to change for years and years and years, compounding the system of my mind, where I have locked in tons of patterns that I must walk myself through, and the other person is really just a reflection of me, a part of me that I have accepted and allowed, that I have not yet fully forgiven, "REAL-ized", and re-SOLVED through self-correction.

Day 11: My Videos?

I was just doing some TechnoTutor on shooting videos, and I realized that I did not see any reason to shoot a video other than to challenge myself and overcome fears. Now that I’ve done that multiples, I still have this other fear that comes up of: what if my videos aren’t good enough? My videos aren’t as good as the others’ videos, why don’t I just send people to their videos? What will people think of me if I mess up, make a mistake or say something wrong? I am afraid to stand up and back up what I say in videos and don’t want to be arguing with people online all the time like Cameron would before more so.

The real cause here is in a lack of understanding around the purpose of the video. The videos are to support other people to walk through challenges you’ve faced by sharing some of what you’ve walked through, and then sharing your realizations, and what you’ve done to change, and what has worked well for you. That’s the point of the videos.

I earlier saw videos as a means to convert people to TechnoTutor and make money, but really, they are to support people, #1; and #2, then to guide them to the answer. That’s what they are for.

I have been through a lot; I do understand more than I think. Now is the time to step up and share with the world regularly and more consistently. And to practice my ability to communicate with others, live, publicly and in groups, address groups as me being the main speaker or leader.

This point is one I must walk through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the value in making videos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don’t have anything to say of value because I FEEL off, uncomfortable, and uneasy daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use how I feel to hold me back and limit me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how my negative emotions have constricted me and left me inactive and in fear, and when I am acting in fear, in survival, I am so afraid of “what could happen” that no matter how much progress I make, I still feel dead inside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent others who communicate well in videos or when speaking one on one, or in groups, not seeing that I can become equal to that by working on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the use of making videos for my own self-interest, communicating with people, and all my relationships with everyone and everything just for my own self-interest, and if I don’t see how I can get an energy high/reaction from the interaction, I don’t do it, I avoid it, even when it is something that I must do as a responsibility that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see all the thoughts, the stories, the things I’ve been through and am learning, and am learning from, are all added value points that I can use to share in videos and contribute to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to make a video because I am afraid of being judged, afraid of what other people will think of me, and afraid of making mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I must make videos and express myself in the exact same way and manner that other people express themselves, when I am aware that that is not true, and I can be effective within and as my own self-expression as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must express myself in the same way and ways every single time when I am talking to someone, a group, or making a video because that is the way they see me, that is what they subconsciously expect from me, that is who they believe I am and who I believe I am, so I try to do everything in my power to maintain that mind created self-image of myself and the way I think others perceive me as. When in reality it is just me judging myself in my mind, and it is not how others see me as, as others only see what is here now in the physical reality that we live in and will project based on their own mind constructs what they believe based on their mind-consciousness system pre-programming.