Day 6: Forgiveness as the "Father" Character

 

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to be a complete mess in relation to how I groom myself, keep my room and home, my tools, my hygiene, my commitment to my family, and my spouse/partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to spend enough time with my family and children when they were growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my wife at times when she needed me, emotionally, physically, mentally, and structurally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend majority of my time working and with work friends and colleagues, without considering the needs of my wife and children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as my family, my home, my car, my career, and my friends, vs the principles that I live by in every breath, every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come home later at night most days, and  point-blank ask for a favour to my family (as if they are my business partners or something) without taking the time to chat with them, build more intimacy, trust, connection, love: as giving as I wish to receive, and getting to know them better, know who they are, what they are going through, and guide them to what they can become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to coward, be afraid of, and back down when my wife got emotional, not seeing/realizing/understanding that there was something that she was missing and could not have expressed it, and by me not being stable enough to ask questions and go deeper with her, I instead reacted in fear of loss, blaming myself, feeling like I am not able to solve her problem, and then not even trying at all in the end, allowing myself and therefore her to become more disbalanced and allowing the problems/issues to compound within self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this identity as “The Father/Dad/Hard-ass” for myself, being cold, irrational trying to prove my points as right so I do not look bad as the man of the house, and pushing my kids, my wife, my family and friends to be something that is similar to who I am, the rock, the asshole, creating separation within me from myself within my mind, and creating my position in the family as superior to/towards my wife and kids, not seeing them as equals as life, that is a part of the whole, the oneness of our family, or all life here on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotionally numb and suppress my emotions in front of my partner because I do not want her or my children to think I am weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be weak, and to be weak by not expressing myself, and suppressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my emotions to hide them from others close to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking weak in a moment, situation or event. Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the fear of feeling weak to stop me from doing what I must do that I know will yield feedback that I can use to progress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being lead in a moment by a female, so I take a superior stance in every position acting out of inferiority, when in fact this makes no sense at all, because men and women are a balance to what creates the solid relationship agreement of 1+1=2, and we will have strengths and weakness in many different categories that are similar and different, and where we have a weak point where our partner is strong – that gives us a chance to be supported by one who is stable within the point, as a net benefit to the whole, so we can develop our weak points so we no longer reside in weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the role of the bread winner, where that becomes my entire focus, and I forget about any and everything else as they have become secondary to my primary focus, and that primary focus is that one and only thing that really matters to secure my self-interested position in the world system of money and satisfy the hungry energy cravings within.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to fully see and understand the benefit and value I can provide as a father figure by working hard and in a highly focused manner, leading my family in the world system and education in the areas I comprehend, and continuously increasing my level of education and vocabulary while moving myself to be of more value so I can raise healthy, strong and stable children in this world.

When and as I see myself getting possessed by this Father character I have created in my life and mind, I stop, and I breathe. I realize that the role of a father is courage, to walk into fears and challenges head on, with determinism to overcome them and become more stable within and through walking those points, to be a guide for the family as a whole, while valuing each part as equal, because without the wife as security and to support the inside of the home, as I create the structure, there would be nothing of real value.

I commit myself to seeing through the full point of becoming a Father who Lives Love as Life, who for-gives myself and all, giving the necessary internal reflection of stability of myself and external to others to support myself and themselves to be a Father that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to fully realizing to value of a family, and nurturing that group to the best outcome possible, where we create a world that is best for all life, where instead of fearing our neighbours, we can trust our neighbours.

I commit myself to Fathering myself first, and Mothering myself, so I can then support others in the family dynamic as an emotionally stable father.

I commit myself to walking through every point and developing the understanding to all the reasons why I neglected my spouse, my children and others, as my role within who I am, my family and in the world system of money, and to redefine every causal issue where I compromised myself, so I can live the redefinition to living in the best way possible for myself, my family, and all life as equals as one.

I commit myself to support any and all fathers to become the best father and person they can be.

I commit myself to walking with courage when and as fear arises within me.

I commit myself to support my wife and kids in the best ways possible to become the best versions of myself and themselves, and supporting myself so I can support them in the best ways possible.

I commit myself to filling every need myself and my wife would have so we have a Self-Perfected relationship together and become Self-Here, and fulfilling every need my children would have, so they become Self-Perfected and Self-Here. And every and all places where I am imperfect not creating the best possible outcome in every moment, I expand that, open it up with self-honesty, self-forgiveness writing, and self-correction, then perfect the point and all points in its’ complete entirety.